Threat of an illegal soda cartel is on the rise

Shawn Magrath

I keep hearing there’s some sort of primary today. Reports indicate that thousands or Republicans across the county flocked to their respective Town Halls to riot and an election broke out early this afternoon. All seems to be under control now and residents are encouraged to get out and vote.

I’m sure it won’t take long for people to catch wind that the worst of the worst has finally happened. New York City passed the infamous soda ban, prohibiting the sale of sugary drinks larger than 16 oz in restaurants, sports stadiums, even vending carts along the city streets, thereby officially making the Big-Gulp a black market item on the streets of the Big Apple. Already, gangs are rallying in the streets of New York and the activity of an illegal soda cartel is unsettling city residents who fear onset diabetes for themselves and their children. It all seems a bit extreme, but then again, the proposal seemed extreme from the start.

Apple unveiled its new iPhone 5 this week. Usually, I frown on technology that updates faster than the American consumer can spend but in the case of the iPhone, I can make an exception. Apple even hosted a press conference Thursday to introduce its new gadget. Apparently, the iPhone 5 is perfect for people who like slight upgrades and hate having $600. Among the new features: Peripheral cameras on the phone’s face and backside; a wider, taller screen; night vision; a feature to change the voice of Siri to that of the late Jackie Gleason; an extendable arm that slaps you a high-five every time you go from no service to excellent service all at once; and a smoother texture, allowing it to slip from your pocket to the floor at a much quicker rate than the iPhone 4s every time you sit down.

This Sunday is the annual SPCA dog walk fundraiser at Weiler Park in Norwich from noon to 3 p.m. As an animal lover, I’m looking forward to it – a great opportunity to support a good cause (and out of fear of making people not want to show up, I’ll spare all the dog puns I had in mind. Just know that I had some howling good ones… alright, just one dog pun).