It’s so hot


Shawn Magrath

After two days of 90+ degree whether with such a high level of humidity that I could almost swim to work, today certainly feels much better. Thursday and Friday were hot – unbearably hot; I didn’t realize asphalt even had a liquid phase. But for all my complaining about the heat, the humidity, the sticky arms, the mid air explosions from birds catching on fire, I think I handled it pretty well. Like most people, I developed a close emotional bond with the A/C and the ceiling fan, and rekindled a deep-rooted hatred of my car’s leather seats and the seat belt buckle.

Frankly, what really comes to mind on hot days are the “It’s so hot…” jokes of Johnny Carson, Jay Leno, David Letterman, even Jimmy Fallon (who I’m not usually a fan of).

It’s so hot:
The National Weather Service has issued a fat guy in tank top warning
People are baking cookies on their dashboards
Somewhere in the US, a corn stalk turned into popcorn
Squirrels are pouring Gatorade on their nuts
I saw two trees fighting over a dog
I saw a funeral procession pull into a Dairy Queen
The nation is experiencing a heat wave, but we have plenty of shade under our 14 trillion dollar debt ceiling.

Kudos, gentlemen. Kudos.

It’s graduation weekend, so my heartiest congratulations to everyone moving on to the next stage in life (or “the real world” as Dad called it). I wish I was one of profound words of inspiration, encouragement and brilliance, but I just made a list of “It’s so hot” one-liners so it’s possibly best to save a stimulating speech for commencement speakers. Nevertheless, best of luck to all who are turning the tassel this weekend.