My unfortunate departure

Shawn Magrath

After careful deliberation and weeks of weighing my options, I’ve decided it’s time for me to move on. The last few weeks have been difficult and there’s no question that I’ve reached an impasse. Clearly, I have overstayed my welcome and with a heavy heart I say, I’m leaving MySpace.

I know this is sudden and may come as an untimely surprise. I just want everyone to know, I’m taking all my pictures with me. I would like to thank the friends I still have, especially Tom, who’s been there since the beginning.

It’s always a relief to get bad news out in the open.

Now that I have that monkey off my back, May 4th, as many already know, is “Star Wars Day” (May the 4th be with you)… Not much I have to say about it; I just thought it was worth mentioning.

Also worth mentioning, the CEO of Yahoo! falsified his resume, saying that he earned a Baccalaureate in Accounting and Computer Science when his degree was really just in Accounting. Of course, Yahoo! is passing it off as an “inadvertent error,” which is a fancy way of saying, “Oops, I screwed up.” Anyhow, it got me thinking of how many people in the area have jobs because they lied on their resume. There’s a lot of pressure in getting a good job and really, imagine what you would be able to offer a new employer with the skills you’ve developed as a “championship diver,” “professional tamer of large mammals,” “astronaut,” and “inventer of the weel.” (Mr. Magrath, why don’t you tell me a little bit about how your experiences as Prime Minister of Norway might help us here at the Evening Sun).

And we all know that the things we choose to lie about will look a hundred times better than the ugly truth:
• Objective: I want to play a major part in watching the company advance.
• Education: Graduated eighth in a class of ten
• Strengths: I have integrity so I will not steal the office supplies and take them home
• Achievements: Nominated for prom queen
• Special skills: Can hold my breath for 53.7 seconds
• Hobbies: Having a good time
• Work related background: Employers say I shouldn’t work with other employees
• Reason for leaving current employer: Terminated after saying it would be a blessing to get fired
• Personal: My family is willing to relocate. However, not to New England (too cold) and not to Southern California (earthquakes). Indianapolis or Chicago would be fine. My youngest prefers Orlando’s proximity to Disney World.