The perfect Valentine’s Day card

Shawn Magrath

Happy Valentine’s Day. If your not tired of seeing red, white and pink by now, you haven’t been outside or online much today.

Keeping my Valentine’s vigor alive, I decided to wait until last minute to buy my valentine a card. It’s OK though – I seem to work well under pressure. I didn’t panic at all while I sprinted down the sidewalk, darted in front of traffic and knocked over two people to get to Service Pharmacy to find a good Valentine’s Day card before they were gone. Work well under pressure, indeed.

Actually picking out a good Valentine’s Day card on the other hand… well, that’s different. Over the years, I’ve learned that picking out the perfect card is an integral part of Valentine’s Day – it’s like guessing which wire to cut in order to disable a ticking time bomb. If I get the wrong card, I might as well not go home at all. I would think it wouldn’t be too difficult, since it seems that so many Valentine’s Day cards say the same thing in different words, but I still can’t seem to escape the risk of grabbing the wrong one.

The trick is to narrow down the options to just a few: Do I want the Snoopy and Woodstock card? Do I want the card with the cheap fart joke that leaves a slight feeling or remorse for having read it? Or, do I want the card that says “You are my everything…Love you so much….Blah…Happy Valentine’s Day?” Right away, I knew that one of those cards is just silliness and wasn’t going to work at all in my favor, so I put it back, which left me with two – the mushy-gushy sentimental one and the one with the fart joke. After another ten minutes of deliberation, I went with the lovey-dovey card. Bomb, deactivated – and with plenty of the day left to spare. I look forward to doing it again next year.