Faster than a speeding bullet

Brian Golden

Have you ever felt like someone’s been using you as a human punching-bag? Ever wake up in the morning feeling as if you were hit by an 18-wheeler? That’s me today, following last night’s softball game at Weiler Park. The difference with me, however, is the fact that this particular 18-wheeler came in the form of a softball.

There I was – doing my part to help my team on its way to a 3-and-1 record – poised to head for home plate, bases loaded, on third base and ready to score for a second time. I did, eventually, make it home, thanks to a nice little single (or maybe it was a double) by our team captain, Brian Tefft. But not before I managed to use my right flank for target practice.

If I could’ve avoided the rocket-like projectile that shot of Brian’s bat, directly down the third base line, let’s just say the bases probably would’ve cleared. Instead, this “shot-heard-round-the-world” made a beeline – right for me. There was no chance to dodge the missile, which made a sickeningly loud THUMP, right below my ribcage and just above my hip.

Needless to say, I’m in a bit of pain today.

To add insult to injury, my first (I’m way too old for this) slide of the season also resulted in agony. To put it simply, my left leg, below the knee, looks like it went through a cheese grater. Due to my grievous injuries, I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night. Yet even my tiredness today pales in comparison with my wince whenever I try to, well, move.

Obviously, I’m not 20 anymore. Not even 25 or 30. And if I had any sense at all, I’d probably take this as a sign that maybe, just maybe, it’s time for early retirement. That won’t happen, of course, I would never let the team down, as we simply have way too much fun. Especially this year, when we’ve finally come together, with a nice little string of victories.

I will, however, make sure I’m just as ready to dodge as I am to run next time I find myself preparing to make my way to home plate. And I’m definitely going to work on my slide technique, if for no other reason than it would be nice to be able to walk the next day.

Right now, all I can say is…ouch.