Black Friday

Melissa Stagnaro

I might have been feeling a little sorry for myself as I drove to work this morning. I was convinced that everyone else on the planet had today off and were lying snug in their beds while poor schmucks like me were mandated to appear at their desk at the normal time.

But as I made my way up Route 12, I noticed that there was actually more  cars on the road rather than less. Dunkin Donuts and McDonalds were packed. And it wasn’t even 7 a.m.

It took awhile for my muddled mind to make sense of it all. Then it all became crystal clear. These people weren’t out of bed at this ungodly hour because they had to be. They did this by choice. These were the hoards of bargain hunters stalking, not deer like their camo-clad brethren, but Black Friday sales events.

I’m not big on the whole shopping thing. If I have to shop, I want it to be when the stores are empty and the shelves are full. Not the other way around.

The very thought of searching for a parking spot before dawn, fighting crowds of highly motivated (a.k.a. obsessed) shoppers and waiting for interminable hours on check out lines gives me hives.

Sure, there is the lure of heavily discounted items and unheard of bargains. But is it worth the stress? Some (the female members of my family included) will look at you funny for asking such a silly question and tell you that of course it is. For me? Absolutely not.

Thankfully, I am exempt from making up excuses this year.

“Sorry,” I say, with a totally fake look of disappointment on my face. “I can’t go shopping today. I have to work.”