Halloween excuses

Tyler Murphy

I need to find an excuse to go trick or treating. Ever since yesterday afternoon I’ve been trying to scheme my way into the holiday. The motivation of course is free candy. A grown adult meandering around the streets collecting candy from residents might seem odd.

What I usually do is pretend I’m doing it “for the kids” and chaperone the borrowed offspring of a friend or family member. However I’ve hit a snag and I’m lacking in available children, must be the parents have become more involved this year which is completely inconsiderate of my candy collecting.

Maybe I could just tag along with a random crowd of tick of treaters and just pretend I’m part of group… hmm that seems too creepy.

My friends sometime ask me why I just don’t but a bag of miniature candy bars and save myself the trouble, obviously they don’t get that life is about the pursuit just as much as the goal. The taste of satisfaction can’t be found in a purchase at Wal-Mart, now can it?

Besides the best part of Halloween is dressing up. In the morning it’s OK to walk around dressed up but after work I need another excuse to stay in character otherwise I’m just some weirdo walking around in costume without any place to go.

Imagine the trip to Wal-Mart being the highlight of my evening debut. The cashier might even remark on my outfit. “Hey man nice costume, you going to a party tonight?” “Nah man I’m doing it just for me, I’m going to go home and watch Spike’s Friday the 13th marathon until 2 a.m. in the morning.”