“Tom Petty is the greatest singer, guitar player and song writer in the history of this Universe or any other, and he forever will be. Just listen to the delicate, yet complex integration of chord progressions and lyrical mastery in songs like ‘Don’t Come Around Here No More,’ ‘Into The Great Wide Open’ and ‘You Don’t Know How It Feels.’ It’s like seeing two people fall in love to the sounds of a symphony only they can hear.”

That’s what someone told me once when I said I didn’t like Tom Petty.

Okay, I lied. That’s not what they said.

But they did call me a jerk.

That’s not the only time, either. I’ve lost friends, nearly family, because I don’t like his music…his music.

I didn’t say I didn’t like him. He’s probably a great guy and fun to be around. I just think his songs are too simple for my taste and that a lot of them sound too much alike.

“Then you’re are an idiot!” – I can already hear you saying it.

It’s okay, let it out.

“You don’t know crap about music!” “You’re tone deaf!” “You’re ugly!”

Keep them coming. I know I’m evil. I change the station when I here “Free Fallin” or “You don’t have to live like a refugee” – how dare I! It’s okay. I’ve learned to accept who I am.

And if I’m in a situation where I’m unable to change the station or the stereo, I start singing (I can sound just like Tom Petty) really loud, only I change the words to make the song’s lyrics really awful.

For example: “Free Fallin” becomes “Free Ballin.” You can only imagine how it goes.

That one’s made people cry.

Now Tom Petty is the performer during half-time of Super Bowl XLII in Phoenix. Can’t say I’m as thrilled as everyone else.

I believe my direct quote was, “I’d rather watch Steven Tyler and Justin Timberlake sing ‘Walk this Way’ and toss microphones back and forth to each other in hell before I’ll watch this year’s half-time show.”

But it’s clear I’m alone on this one. In fact, I’m not going to say that everyone else in the world claims to be Tom Petty’s biggest fan, but I’m not going to say they don’t, either.

That said; if I’m the only jerk on the planet that won’t defend the greatness of “Last Dance with Mary Jane” to the death, than even I have to admit Tom Petty must be doing something right.

Who cares if Hillary and Bill and Barack  went to a day spa, got a pedicure and a facial together, who cares if Barack said he didn’t like the color of Hillary’s lipstick and Bill decided to put an end to the shameless attacks Hillary’ has had to endure. He for one should definitely be the one to stick up for his faithful wife in the public eye, after all he would never want to cause her embarrassment.

Well guess what foreign policy issues get raised, what economical standpoints these candidates have or what they plan to do about the war in Iraq.

What really matters is what color toothpaste each of the brush with, if the candidates dress properly and know how to match their shirts and socks and overall who would look better on the cover of People magazine, political edition.

Being as naive to say only the political matters and who knows more about running a country are the biggest issues on the table right now  is wrong.

The media likes conflict, conflict sells papers and makes hundreds of thousands tune in for the heated debated that ultimately get nothing accomplished. If the headlines were Hillary swears at McDonald’s worker or Hillary manages to get the economy stable again which one would you choose?

Now maybe my ideas are a little unconventional but maybe we should choose a candidate for the political aspects instead of the name brand shows they wear.

Money can not make the candidate do a better job. Being a smoker does not make a candidate stupid nor ignorant, being female does not mean the voting policies and morale or voters should change, neither does the fact the skin color of a candidate is a little darker than others. Why do these issues matter? An age old question that I for one have yet to understand.

Having a colored person on the ballot should make  colored  people want to vote. No needing good leadership should make them want to vote. I did not see the number of middle aged white men spike throughout the last elections.

How and why media outlets portray the person is where the issues remain and for that people should be ashamed when they pull down the lever for a candidate they have no idea as to why they are running or who they could impact the country.

There’s been an awful lot of stuff going on lately, so maybe that’s why I completely forgot about my birthday until I looked at the calendar yesterday. Honestly if our day care didn’t make you sign and date a sheet every day when you pick up and drop off your child, I would probably have let my birthday slip right on past without even noticing.

I’m now trying to decide if my lack of birthday related cognitive function is a good thing or a bad thing. The last time I can think of when I was so clueless that the big day was drawing near, I was five. It worked out great at the time, because my parents were able to throw me a surprise party, and I didn’t even consider the possibility of it. Possibly because I didn’t know what a surprise party was, but that’s not the point.

The point is, I’m not sure if my sudden forgetfulness means that I’ve matured into a person who is not quite so obsessed with presents and parties and cakes and all that hype, or if it just means that I am starting to become even more spacey and forgetful than I previously was; a feat that I previously would have dismissed as impossible.

I guess regardless of the reason, the point is, it’s my birthday, so give me presents. Just kidding….unless you were going to send something really good.

Is it still good luck to be crapped on by a bird? Is there a certain kind of bird that pertains to? Remember in one of the hundreds of episodes of ‘Friends’ when Phoebe got the pleasure of being a bird’s toilet? Well I received that pleasure and you know, it wasn’t as fun as it looks like it is on TV.I step out of my house and start into the backyard, minding my own business right? WRONG! I hear the rattling and the bustling of the 200 crows that have decided to be my personal watch crows looking over my house and watching my every move. And then it happens. Splat … I feel something hit my coat and what do I do? Look up of course. I yell at myself. “Jill,” I say outside, “What in the world are you looking up for? Run, you idiot!” So, before I became an even bigger target, I dart out of my own backyard and suddenly feel unwelcome by these uninvited guests that apparently think my house needs guarding.You see, I live in a house that is apparently the favorite hangout for about 3/4 of Norwich’s crow population. And when I say crows, I mean the low down dirty disgusting devil ridden crap throwing black birds that are too stupid enough to realize it’s winter and they should head for south and spread their love elsewhere.Being an animal lover at heart, I find it hard to feel much more than hatred for these creatures that some people believe to be birds or something. Every time I want to take my dog into the backyard, I need an umbrella and it’s gotten to the point where we can’t park in our own driveway. Isn’t there a group like Crow Revenge Outreach Warriors otherwise known as CROW that I can attend to learn how to secretly do away with these creatures that have decided to make my peaceful bird-free life a disgraceful mess? Trust me, trying to explain to the children going outside is not a possibility due to the fact they will have bird poo to dodge is  getting a little monotonous.