Get a night-life


Michael McGuire

It’s 6:40 p.m. on Friday. And I’m here late because I wanted to bounce some ideas of my readers.

Below are some of the possible names for the classless, body odor-filled bar I’d like to own someday. I thought up some slogans, too, with the hopes that the bar will gain a disgusting enough reputation to warrant selling T-shirts with bright decals and funny characters on them (I’m told it’s important to cross-market and develop value-added products).

Have a look-see:

Name: McScurvy’s
Slogan: “If you’re ugly, we’re open.”

Name: The Busted Grill
Slogan: “There’s no cover charge, but you have to let us knife you.”

Name: The Damp Sleeping Bag
Slogan: “Home of the first Little Debbie Urinal Cake”

Name: Butterfly Kisses
Slogan: “Don’t worry. If she hasn’t left you yet, she will.”

Name: Hotel Honduras
Slogan: “1st World time at 3rd world prices.”

Name: The Bill Collector
Slogan: “You’re only homeless when we’re closed.”

Name: Plywood Palace
Slogan: “Doors lock when pyrotechnics start.”

Name: Jail Bait
Slogan: “Technically you can’t date ‘em, but theoretically you can sure as hell fight over ‘em.”

Feel free to help me out if you come up with any of your own.