A Shopping Cart Christmas Carol Classic


Michael McGuire

“These Three Carts” (done to the tune of “We Three Kings”)

These three carts of P&C are
Wheel bearings un-greased they traverse afar.
Snow bank and fountain, Street corner and mountain,
Acting as make-shift cars

Chorus
O carts of wonder, carts of night,
Carts with foil antennas might,
Pick-up a TV station, no it’s fading,
Guide us to that case of Milwaukee’s Best Light.

Born as carts on P&C’s lot,
WD-40 I have to unfreeze them again,
Carts forever, rusting never
Still abandoned by all in shame.

O carts of wonder, carts of night,
Carts filled with garbage and gas create fire bright,
Portable oven, char-broiled chariot we’re lovin’
Guide us to that case of Milwaukee’s Best Light.

No Common Sense to offer have I.
Leave a perfectly good cart on the neighbor’s lawn to die.
Drunk and hazy really lazy,
Steal new cart and go get high.

O carts of wonder, carts of night,
Three carts on the front porch make it tight,
We’ll hang on lawn until they’re mysteriously gone
Guide us to that case of Milwaukee’s Best Light.

Carts not mine: It’s a bitter dispute
Though the store manager doesn’t shout of gathering gloom.
It’s the neighbors, haters, cops and writers,
That give me such an awful time.

O carts of wonder, carts of night,
We’ll take the carts back and make it right,
Squeaking, squirreling, leftward turning
Guide us to that case of Milwaukee’s Best Light.

Glorious now behold the zip ties,
worse for ware, but here the cart lies.
Alleluia, alleluia!
Sounds through the cart return area and skies.

O carts of wonder, carts of night,
The carts are home to reunite,
From store to car, they travel no more far
Guide us to that case of Milwaukee’s Best Light.