Before you peasants pick through my blog, note your inequities as you read the work of royalty.
Well, not official royalty. Not yet.
But unless your name happens to be Mike “The Main Squeeze” McGuire, all you really are is a sniveling subject in the world of high-stakes competitive goat milking – a.k.a my new kingdom.
Come witness my coronation as your ruler at 2 p.m. this Saturday at the Dairy Day Celebrity Goat Milking Contest. Be amazed as opponents run away in fear of my “utter” ability. Be dazzled as goats line-up to be gripped by my gentle, yet purposeful hands. Be astonished as I build a wooden Ark to save my people from drowning in the flood of un-pasteurized milk that will undoubtedly flow from the Fairgrounds’ Exhibition Hall. Come. And you will one day be able to tell your grandchildren that you witnessed my two-handed “Canasawacta Clutch” deliver us to freedom.