They’re only ‘moments’ of doubt


Tyler Murphy

What is it in us that leads some to pursue their loyalties while others head down the road of temptation. Temptation and devotion, love and lust, pain and pleasure, they all seem to leave similar marks on the heart and have more in common than I think most realize. Yet the distinction between each is as different as never and forever.

“Only a fool tries to find logic in the chambers of the human heart.” Does that mean our beliefs regarding the matter can only be considered under faith and trust? From my personal experiences I’d have to say yes. No wonder we are left so wounded and vulnerable when things go wrong. I think it is because in order for one to achieve true trust and faith in another requires, to a large part, your belief that they will return the gesture and when one side fails the other is left holding nothing but a lack of understanding.

We fully don’t understand why we take the plunge because a lot of it is based on trust but most would agree that the temptation of discovering true happiness lies down this road. Perhaps that is what motivate us to take such leaps of faith in other people. The worst kinds of pain are the ones least understood. Since we lack an understanding it can be very difficult to figure out how to cope. Some turn to bitterness and hate, but like most subjects these two negative emotions infect, they often lead people to become more like the object of their contempt, or worse. I’m not even sure if you could ever get any closure from a thing you never truly understood… but we do try don’t we? Acceptance is a hard step but an even harder one is believing in love enough to take a second trip down the risky road.

I for one am a firm believer that the marks of a lost love never leave you. The harder and more cruel the break up the greater the trauma. Most of us are lucky if one day we can pull ourselves back up scarred but otherwise unscathed. The true measure of our belief in love will again be tested by another. Love sought rarely seems to be love delivered. I often feel random fate might select a better match than my active participation in the matter.

Despite all this I find the greatest feat of love is my refusal to give up on it and I swear to god I never will. I can’t imagine a life without having a passion for it. To give up on a notion so refined and perfect as love to me in essence is to give up on life. I’ll gladly cross paths with pain and suffering. Even if I have to pry it from the grim reaper’s own hand, I will before I hand over my hope. There is not a purer form of happiness and hope than true love.

Is love a choice or does fate strike a lucky few with the circumstances. In such a crazy world with so many different people it’s one hell of an optimistic thought to think we all can find it. I do believe however love sometimes flickers and in that instance if you have the courage and hope you can step forward to seize an opportunity that might otherwise slip by.

My meager advice, if it was asked would be; a bad outcome does not always come from a bad decision. Hope and faith logically have huge risks don’t let failures discourage the reason you originally believed in them. Your past may hurt because that is how we learn but more importantly it is also how we change. You won’t find closure from anyone except yourself and the choice is yours alone to make, the repercussion and rewards will be yours alone to bare.